D/s and Sexual Politics:
I am attracted to Intelligent, dynamic and adventurous women, women with elegance, style, and an appreciation for the sensual pleasures of life, women who seek to explore the world and themselves.
The wonderfully complex, sexually insatiable, yet sweet and compliant, women who have shared My life and served My needs, are not mindless, doormats or wimps. I can say with complete confidence, that I've never met an intelligent submissive woman who didn't consider herself a feminist. Many have been active in feminist organizations and network with other women on feminist issues.
I've always been, at least vaguely, pro-feminist. Mostly for the same reasons that make any decent person in the "main stream" of society, aspire to be tolerant of all races, creeds and colors. For the most part the feminist "agenda" seems fair and reasonable to Me, but it seems obvious, that expecting a women to do My bidding, to obey Me, to serve Me, sometimes even using force with her, even if a spanking is just "playful" and done for "fun," doesn't sound very pro-feminist.
If a "vanilla" neighbor heard or saw Me order a woman to "Come Here!" and observed her as she approached her Master, with a quiver in her lower lip and stood before Me with her head down, meekly listening as I lecture her. If they saw her lift her skirt, tug down her panties and bend over My lap. If they heard My hand fall again and again on the soft curve of her butt and watched her squeal and kick as her bottom began to glow pink, what would they think?
We in the D/s community, know that what's going on here can be part of good sex, but can it be part of good politics? Am I a bully, a batterer, and abuser, the archetype male chauvinist? Is the poor helpless woman an oppressed victim, or, even worse, is she frivolously playing games in a "serious" area, selling out her feminist "sisters" by pretending that male dominance is cute and fun?
My wonderful, compliant, "partner" in this lifestyle suffers from one common problem: When she is within the inner circles of the feminist movement, she can be completely open about almost any kind of sexual pleasure; masturbation, bi-sexuality, lesbianism, sex with younger or older men, virtually anything. But if she winces when she sits down and cheerfully tells her girlfriends about the time she spent tied-up and the spanking and fucking she enjoyed after being "caught" in some "mischief," last night! It's not likely she will be appointed to the "steering" committee or elected president of her local chapter of NOW.
I have hopes that the feminist movement will eventually become more discerning and subtle in its analysis of what is actually happening when a woman submits herself to a man. Surrender and submission is a voluntary choice with a specific emotional and physical reward for the submissive woman. The joy and emotional fulfillment that are experienced by the submissive during the various types of D/s "scenes" are often missing from so called "vanilla" sexual experiences. I sincerely hope that an understanding of the underlying "science" behind the D/s "experience" will someday make it easier for a women to embrace and enjoy the submissive "role" without being accused of betraying her entire gender.
Here are some of my thoughts on sexuality and sexual politics:
Problem 1: Feminist literature - I grant you that not all feminist's agree with the radical, Andrea Dworkins' refusal to distinguish between heterosexual intercourse and rape. But, there are many examples of radical, anti-male, writers, who have become wealthy by selling hate. The submissive women that I have engaged have been intelligent, strong-willed women with high self-esteem and most have been supporters of feminist issues. Obviously, when they begin to talk back to their "sisters" on these issues, the "correct feminist line" will begin to change. Many feminist writers have consistently failed to make a distinction between consensual sex play and domestic violence, but some have begun to acknowledge the difference between the pink bottom of an aroused woman and the broken bones of an abused woman.
Problem 2: Feminist Dogma - At times the feminist "Movement" becomes mired in Lesbian and Feminine Superiority "dogma." The core idea that "All people make contributions to our society and their sex should be irrelevant" is lost in this rhetoric. A woman can be working as a Professional or an Executive in a Major Corporation and contributing her money and energy to feminist causes, but, if she is heterosexual, she is made to feel she is sleeping with the enemy.
Problem 3: American's are Nosey and judgmental - Politics involves things that affect the outside world, hopefully in a beneficial way. Political action can include writing letters, getting involved in organizations, lobbying companies and elected officials, or even running for office yourself. Personal issues include, among many other things, your religion, your family life and what you do sexually in bed or elsewhere. It seems obvious that a person should have the right to take pleasure, with another consenting adult, free from the critical gaze of your political enemies or even your friends. I maintain that separating what you do Personally from what you do Politically is perfectly reasonable and in fact is your right. Unfortunately, people here in America, seem to have lost sight of this basic ethical consideration for others. Our society seems to have developed an insatiable yearning to see and hear every detail of our neighbor's life, and not just that, but to judge everyone else's behavior with the moral fury of a puritan cleric. It is apparent from any unbiased viewpoint that our "behavior" as a society is nothing like our proclaimed moral position of tolerance for all.
Problem 4: The mainstream media - The images of Dominance and submission we see in the mainstream media tend to be either dark and scary or else ludicrous. This negative image of D/s is that it is a form of bigotry and abuse of human rights. It seems odd to me that the media has no trouble distinguishing between sexual intercourse and rape. In truth, when there is no weapon or threat, it is only the presence or absence of consent, the meaning of the two acts, that makes them so radically different. Yet the mainstream media refuses to grant that adults who engage in Safe, Sane, and Consensual sexual acts, inside the walls of their own houses, are not committing crimes or even immoral acts. Unfortunately, it appears that the only solution is for more people to "go public" and challenge the stereotypes. The gays and lesbians who came "out of the closet" in the 60's and 70's helped people see how their neighbors and family members could have "different" sexual proclivities, yet still be "normal."
Those of us who include D/s in our sexuality don't usually seek public attention. We keep fairly quiet and discreet, not daring to expose ourselves to scorn or ridicule. The few crazies and wacko's who appear on Jerry Springer and profess to living the so called BDSM "lifestyle" look like jokes or criminals to the general public. You must admit that most of the BDSM regalia and costumes look silly, rather than sexy. To people who don't appreciate or understand the symbolism and eroticism of D/s, these outfits simply evoke hilarity and promote stereotypes!
Problem 5: Institutionalized Political Correctness - The constant stream of "Sexual Harassment" Law suits have become almost ludicrous. Every industry and institution in America has experienced the chilling effect upon the workplace. I am not suggesting that women should acquiesce or accept truly rude and obnoxious behavior from their male superiors or co-workers, but any reasonable person can see that the trend has gone too far.
A prime example of feminist inspired, idiocy, is the "contract" for sexual activity between students at Antioch College. A male student must get specific consent, for each sexual advance: "May I take off your blouse?" "Would it be permissible to remove your bra?" "Would it offend you if I removed My pants?" and so on. This is hardly the dialog of a pornographic film and cannot possibly promote pleasant dating experiences! Ideas such as this seek to take the danger out of sexual interaction, but think of the cost.
Sexual pleasure is based upon passion and the feelings of being swept away by powerful emotional forces. Even adolescents and inexperienced lovers sense that the uncertainty of sexual activity is a significant part of the excitement and pleasure. We have all experience that hollow, longing, "feeling" in the pit of our stomach.
Every woman I've ever questioned on the subject, speaks about her first sexual experiences and early exploration of her sexuality as if it were dangerous and scary. I am a very confident and secure Man, but I also recall My early sexual experiences as being quite nerve racking, but none-the-less, exciting and FUN!
On a lighter note... Perhaps that idea of contracts isn't as bad as I first thought. By now I am sure that some young swains have perfected it to an art form: "Would you enjoy it if I removed your blouse and took off your bra, licked and sucked your delicious pink nipples until they stand moist
and erect on the peaks of your firm breasts and then.... yada yada yada" Perhaps this constant "play-by-play" may actually promote more sexual fun than the standard, silent groping, in the back seat.
THE TRUTH About D/s - We, in this lifestyle, know the truth. Probably no other form of sexual activity makes consent as explicit and formalized as D/s. Each submissive that I engage has learned much more about Me than any "vanilla" relationship involves. The communication and negotiations involved have offered her many opportunities to "turn and run away." If she decides to submit, even in Virtual Reality, I demand that she demonstrate her trust in Me, over and over, in many ways. She must show initiative and serve Me willingly. She must agree, enthusiastically and wholeheartedly to give over control of her body and soul to Me. It is her "submission" that "empowers" Me. But, even after this occurs, I only have the right to exercise that control in the way that has been negotiated. If I don't "use" her "properly" she can simply withdraw from Me.
In the final analysis, the submissive really has all the power. It is the Master's job to focus on what will please the submissive servant, charge, or slave and to take His pleasure in providing it. Even though she has given up all claim to power, she still has it, and any Dominant who doubts this, can simply try ignoring the submissive's non-verbal communication for a short time, and wave goodbye to her cute little ass as she disappears out the door of his "Throne room."