The Self-Dominated "ALPHA" female:
Kinglizard © 1998 rev. 2010
This one is special... In a tribal culture she would assume the role of Dominant female but she instinctively recognizes the potential peril of revealing her Dominant nature to those around her at an early age. Often she is raised in a household where she finds no dominant to bond with and others instinctively submit to her. Parents, and siblings offer little comfort, as she intuitively knows she is dominant, even if she cannot put it into words.
She is nearly always bright, articulate, charming, strong and willful as a child but her submissive personality also emerges while she is young. Many Alpha girls become almost reclusive, spending many hours watching television or movies, to learn to hide herself well and to mimic "normal" behavior.
For the same reasons, she will usually be intellectual and well read as an adult. The self-dominated, Alpha girl is often a loner or finds it difficult to attach to others. She instinctively knows that her survival requires her to blend in and become invisible, yet her friends and peers intuitively recognize her dominance. The effort to hide her true personality is clearly a form of Emotional self-training and allows her to manage her life without attracting too much attention from others.
As she matures, she cannot easily find a male to trust, yet she longs for the "One" who can take the yoke of responsibility from her neck. She finds it difficult to form an intimant bond with subordinate males. Frequently, an Alpha Female marries and attempts to act out her submissive needs with a weaker Mate. Unfortunately, she always knows that he isn't really the Dominant in their relationship, and so her needs remain unfulfilled.
As a child she may have instinctively created a secret alternate persona to help her deal with the world. A DEFENDER personality will arise, some will actually name this defender and it will be quite dominant, outspoken, and aggressive. Generally, she will have a normal persona as well, but will incorporate enough of the defender persona to maintain a barrier protecting herself. This emotional device allows her core being, her true self, to remain safe and well hidden. Most will not give this personality a separate name, almost believing that if she should name it, then others will find and expose her true self to the world.
I am not referring to a split personality or schizophrenia, this behavioral dichotomy isn't an emotional or mental disorder. The self-dominated submissive sees her life as an on-going challenge, she knows all her inner personalities and is fully aware of the secret she is hiding. However, its not unusual for Alphas of either sex to experience significant emotional trauma trying to fit in as children and suffer from attachment disorders as they mature into adults.
The self-dominated submissive female becomes very stressed when in the presence of an genetically Dominant Male. She feels compelled and attracted on a primal or instinctive, subliminal, level. This can sometimes result in bizarre, aberrant or even violent behavior.
A friend recounted this childhood experience: During a school yard squabble, the young girl, who is a self-dominated submissive, literally threw herself, physically, between two fighting boys. Her reaction was totally spontaneous, as she was terrified and felt she needed the Dominant boy to stop expressing His wrath. To seize control of the situation, she demonstrated female submission. Fortunately, her display of non-threatening energy served to shut down the explosive scene, deflecting the two boy's attention and allowing the dominant boy to regain control of Himself.
This reaction or response to a violent confrontation may seem irrational and after the event, My friend was chastised by friends and Teachers for her actions. This experience further isolated the self-dominated submissive from her friends and family as she couldn't readily explain what happened to her or why. An experience like this is frequently the trigger event that helps an Alpha submissive begin to realize she is truly "different."
It is interesting that this behavior is very much the same as observed in Bonobo apes. It is common for a dominant or high ranking female to seize control and end a confrontation between agressive males by using submissive sexual displays. Sometimes the female will go so far as to draw the wrath of the Alpha Male, and find herself the victim of a Dominant who is out of control. But more often than not, the Males will prefer having sex to continuing the altercation and peace will prevail.
Early on, A self-dominated alpha female becomes an expert manager of her own emotions. She must learn to cope with sudden sub-space events as her Master persona is always with her and she may actually "live" in sub-space the majority of the time. She may make jokes about speech gaps, slurring, or detachment. She may even pretend to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs, when she is not. And most importantly she will learn how to recognize and exit the presence of a true Alpha Male, without revealing her natural instinct to submit, as her guardian persona's greatest fear is to be recognized and subdued.
Of course, this is also her strongest yearning, to have HIM know her and take her. Sadly, this emotional turmoil can cause her great anxiety and pain and she may only be vaguely aware of what is missing, she only knows there is a desire for SOMETHING more significant and fulfilling in her intimate relationships.
Public access to the Internet has created new problems for the self-dominated submissive as well as new opportunities. Her emotional protection is a disguise or camouflage that has been developed over many years through physical actions and responses. When correspondence is limited to written words the process may strip away some of her hard won, defenses. Suddenly she has the ability to be open and to freely express her inner self. The false sense of security based on the illusion of anonymity provided by the Internet allows her to throw herself enthusiastically into the assumed safety of an on line experience. She isn't aware that emotions are powerful and can continue to make her vulnerable, perhaps even more so, in this subtle venue.
An Alpha female is hyper-sensitive to many things. The tools of a Genetic "Alpha" Male include, Dominant energy, Command structures, Voice, Directed intention, and other biological gifts. These things may trigger her intense need or desire to express her submission. She is susceptible in a whole new way. She is not aware that the Dominant traits of a true Alpha Male are quite easily expressed and carried through the written word. She may have learned cognitive skills and patterned her emotional reactions through extensive reading but she is now vulnerable to something that was once her protection. Reading was never interactive before and what was once part of her defenses may become a gate into her soul.
Very few women are so submissive they are subject to manipulation or access by a Dominant without their consent. Most have sufficient personal shielding to resist access and the capacity to rationally consider and make the decision to simply say, NO! Unfortunately, an Alpha female may be so damaged by culture and lack of bonding skills that she asks for force or abuse in her desire to experience submission. She is often strong enough to endure dangerous amounts of physical abuse and emotional pressure.
Let Me reiterate that the true Alpha Female or "Self-dominated submissive" is at least as rare as her counterpart the Alpha Male, but many if not all, submissives share some of her traits. AND REMEMBER, any Dominant, whether a real Alpha or simply a player, who uses brute force or emotional coercion to control his counterpart is not a Master, but simply and truly an abuser or rapist.