Is your Master INFALLIBLE?
© Kinglizard, 2002, all rights reserved
I believe that I was born DOMINANT. There are significant biological differences between dominant and subordinate animals in every species and being Genetically Dominant does confer a certain amount of ability to gain and hold the attention of others. In humans we call this Animal Magnetism or Charisma BUT Being ABLE to lead doesnt mean the same thing as having a great plan about WHERE to go. <LOL>
A friend of Mine who is a Military Officer, once said, The last thing the troops want is a Commander that believes in DEMOCRATIC IDEALS.
A genetic Dominant is predisposed to LEADERSHIP, which implies, Certainty, Confidence, and Decisiveness, but there is an IMPORTANT difference between being Dominant and being wise. Knowledge or wisdom is acquired through effort and experience. One might say, A Dominant always FEELS He is right and acts with decisiveness and clear purpose, EVEN WHEN WRONG. If your Master isn't Decisive and Confident, you will begin to look for another Master quite quickly.
I am a business owner and Entrepreneur. I believe that it is very important to associate with people who are strong enough to disagree with Me when they perceive that I may be mistaken. The ability of a Leader to see Himself clearly and realize that He isnt always RIGHT, while retaining His control of a situation and his subordinates, is a valuable skill. Operating a successful business requires a variety of ideas and people who can see things differently than I do. Open communication is critical to any team effort, and many subordinate people have intelligence and good ideas, but they have grave fears about being WRONG and the pressure to put things into motion, to be decisive, doesn't really feel good to them. When a skilled Dominant is in control, cooperation is usually enhanced and success becomes a joint effort. So....even though most people can imitate many aspects of Dominance, they dont find gratification and fulfillment in Domination and they soon become disenchanted with the Responsibilities of leadership.
Success in a D/s relationship is based upon Trust and Confidence. My servant expects Me to have all the answers, just because I am Master and she will rarely feel comfortable or even wish to disagree with Me. Keeping a reasonable level of Humility can be difficult when I look into her trusting eyes and see her expectation of perfection. The myth of the "all knowing" Master is an important part of her pleasure and trust. I hope she is capable of understanding the fallacy of her imagination, BUT I also understand that she NEEDS to feel total confidence in My wisdom. We both know that we are counterparts and My Dominance is the ying to her submissive yang. The intimacy and emotional fulfillment we both seek depends upon her trust in My love for her and My ability to control her energy.
Any relationship is about ATTENTION, and INTENTION. My servant must TRUST that she deserves My Attention and that My Intention is in her best interest. If anyone says they play D/s-BDSM Games without emotion, they are lying or confused. Even the most jaded pain slut cannot find total gratification in simple physical abuse. No Dominant would bother to lead or attach to a servant without the inherent emotional rewards and every servant seeks to find the triggers that release her physical and emotional energy. Some servants find more pleasure and excitement in a Master who plays the role of cold-hearted bastard, but if she truly loves Him, she will surrender her heart, mind and soul to Him, in the knowledge that He treasures her and places great value on her submission.
I call Myself an EGALITARIAN MASTER is that a dichotomy? There is a difference between equality and equity. I expect the same virtues and values from a servant that I intend to offer her: Open communication, passion, respect, trust, shared emotions, and enthusiasm for exploring BOTH our souls, including hopes, dreams, fears, and needs that are well outside of any Psycho-sexual arena. My greatest hope is that the exchange of power between us is an affirmation of trust and the acceptance of Me as a decent and trustworthy Man and I hope My respect for her and My instincts, encourage Me to be the best Master I can be, but certainly NOT a god. <LOL>
Obviously a large component of D/s is expressed in My expectations or what I desire, but the needs and desires of My servant are EQUALLY Important. My ability to be her Master increases as I KNOW her more thoroughly and intimately. Conversely, I expect My servant to focus her attention upon Me and know Me intimately. I understand that My servant expects Me to be in control at all times and that any lapse into mundane human behavior, such as anger, sadness, or fear may be viewed as a sign of incompetence or weakness. I am rarely insecure and sometimes considered arrogant but its not always easy and often requires exceptional discipline.
Our culture has created ridiculous expectations for romantic love and despite the fact that D/s and BDSM relationships are viewed as out of the main stream of society, these expectations carry over into Alternate lifestyles. Many submissives expect their Master to possess self control, strength, intelligence, empathy and psychic abilities, that are impossible or at least unreasonable. Too many Doms are immature and insecure, so they encourage these fantasies of infallibility and perfection. The resulting relationships are caricatures of reality and inevitably cause disappointment and destroy any chance for an enlightening and joyous sharing of the natural emotions of Dominance and submission.
Over the nearly 30 years I have been active in the D/s-BDSM community I have seen many situations where a Dominant was criticized for behavior that seemed too emotional. If a Dominant doesnt restrain emotion or keep up a certain facade, is that FAILURE? If a Dom demonstrates Character or Passion that can't be restrained, Is that WEAKNESS? I have been criticized for intervening in a public scene, where a well intentioned, but poorly skilled, Dom was demonstrating rope suspension that could have resulted in permanent damage to a willing and eager submissive, Was My action INSECURITY?
Being strong also means being tolerant of honest mistakes, fears and doubt. No mentally stable servant would want a Master who isnt able to accept that she is fallible. A servant has the right to expect her Master to encourage her when she feels weak, and to listen, care, and support her, when she is afraid, sad, or hurt. I feel My JOB is to help to motivate, encourage, and sustain, My servants efforts to attain her goals and achieve happiness. If she tries hard and fails she need to be given support, not punished. Punishment should only be meted out for transgressions that are failures of CHARACTER and punishment is a positive incentive, only when it is administered without anger, allows for atonement, and is followed by forgiveness.
Strength is also demonstrated in My ability to control Myself and My servant during a scene or any activity that could endanger her. Dominance requires an understanding of My servants personal goals, yearnings, and fantasies. Being her Master means encouraging her to realize her potential and experience her desires in a safe, sane and consensual way. My ability to interpret her body language, expressions, gestures, and non-verbal signals, as well as listen to what she may say, demonstrates My competence as her Master. I may expect her to GIVE more than she is comfortable with, BUT I must never demand more than she can endure. I must express My expectations and demonstrate My dominant energy without damaging her trust.
Strength is demonstrated in spontaneity and ease of control. I am very comfortable being her Master and I expect her to be equally comfortable serving Me. Attention arises from caring, desire, follows and action flows from Intention to please. Whatever we may do, activity must come from our hearts and imaginations and be demonstrated honestly. I certainly dont want a relationship with someone who has been Brain-washed, or Intimidated. I expect My servant to be eager to share her energy, initiative, imagination, and intellect, as well as her body. I find no JOY in a passive toy or unthinking possession. I dont wish to TAKE complete control of her, I hope to EARN her Attention and Intention, and her TRUST.
If you seek a Master who will OWN you, and make every decision for you, who will show no interest in your humanity, who will USE you like an unfeeling OBJECT, without concern for your needs or desires, who will not acknowledge you or the pleasure you bring to Him, I am sorry but I dont believe you are submissive. A woman who craves this kind of abuse has grave emotional damage and is self destructive, and the man who accepts the role of Master for this poor creature should seek professional help for both of them.
Erotic Power Exchange is not a license to harm another human being, it is a tool to wield in the effort to enhance physical pleasure and access emotional energy. No tool is perfect and the skill of the person using it can vary widely. A Dominant acquires skills in the same way a carpenter does, through practice and experience. If a Dom must be perfect to begin with, how can He improve his skills and enhance his abilities over time. The God of the Old Testament was a pretty nasty Guy when He wasnt OBEYED, and Jesus and Buddha occasionally lost control. I promise you that My temper is far easier to control at 57 than it was at 30. WHY? Because I have chosen to train Myself to be more restrained.
There are many definitions of STRENGTH used in the context of Dominance; stern, strict, overpowering, fearless, unfailing, honorable, reliable, the terms go on and on. ALL these things are, in My opinion, aspects making up CHARACTER and as someone once said, Adversity doesnt Build Character, It reveals it. Humans have the most sophisticated ability to affect changes upon their environment and to change themselves and adapt to the universe. My goal is to be the BEST Master I can be BUT being Human implies being fallible. I believe MANY people can be Dominant and learn to use the tools they are born with and acquire skill with, but unless they possess CHARACTER, they dont have the empathy, compassion and decency, to deserve the submission of anyone.